Oh well... Once again, I will try and make some sort of interesting journal for others to read as well. Mostly, I just have to get rid of some thoughts, but feel free to take a ride on my dream-train. It's open to anyone.

Tomorrow morning, I will be leaving for Amsterdam for approximately 5 days. Just a casual, relaxing vacation, and I'm really looking forward to it. My brother and parents went to bed a long time ago, yet I keep sitting here, listening to calming music, dreaming myself away from the room in which I'm sitting.

For some apparent reason, I can't seem to rest within myself this time. It feels like something, or someone, is missing. Hard to describe otherwise. Right now, is one of the times, where I'd really wish I didn't think so much. I'm in need of something, I can't really describe in human words. If I tried, I'd end up drooling all over the floor in my own helplessness from not knowing what to say.

It's like... If someone drilled a hole within the torso of my soul, and took out some kind of important piece, and then left me. I feel helpless. I feel like I am in need of something, which I can't be given. Someone, whom I can't have. Metaphorically speaking, I feel like the ocean, reaching to the sky, knowing that no matter how much I try, I will never really know what it's like to look down at earth, carrying the cloudy wings of heaven.
Whenever these situations occur, I am in doubt of what to do. This time, I'm writing a journal about it. Who knows, maybe it'll help me in the end. After all, it's important to let go of your thoughts once in a while. Let it all go.
To quote a brilliant movie I saw tonight: "Madness, is like gravity. All it needs is a little push."
Maybe this is true? Are we all generally disturbed, only masking ourselves within our bodies, hiding away our true faces? Are we all just pawns of the mind? Everyone is able to break, no one, in the entire world, is left without weaknessess. Once these are found, it truly only takes one little push to make the person embrace madness as a child in need of love.

Whenever my thoughts start taking over, I discuss these things with myself. Am I really this much different from everyone else, or are other people able to relate to the things happening around me? These nights, I can't seem to sleep either. I wake up, every morning, around 5:30, screaming from yet another freaky nightmare. Who is responsible for these things happening? Am I stressed out and influenced so wildly by my surroundings, that I create nightmares in my subconsciousness? Or am I just in a serious lack of correct social company for the moment?

I hope the vacation will help me get rid of these things. In any case, I am almost positive on what to do when I get back. Speak to people. Talk about it. Maybe it'll help me in the end. After all, nothing good ever came from holding it all inside. It'll just end up, bursting out of you like some sort of slimy, creepy alien. Let's just hope that doesn't happen on my trip to Amsterdam. I'll do my very best to have a great time.

And without sounding like a complete emo-kid, I'll try and end this journal in a decent matter. Even though this world might be filled with vampires and monsters(metaphorically speaking), we are always able to get rid of them ourselves. In case we need help to do so, some of us know who to contact in case of such an emergency. At least, I pray that I know who to contact. It's a two-way deal to be friends like that. Sharing secrets, joy, love, trust and perfect communication. Let this be the end of the journal.

You're never alone. There will always be someone to pick you up, even after the worst of falls. Know, that you are in possession of your own happiness. You are responsible for yourself, and how you treat others. If you treat others like you would treat yourself, you will never be left alone. I can assure that.

To all of you out there, having decided to actually read all of this, I wish you a good night, a sunny morning and a great week to come.

Sincerely yours
- Matt